#i'm on my laptop so just imagine a hyuck with hearts

[d-nghy-ck]

what i remember your writing by - the fleeting lines of imagery that encapsulate the mood of the piece so well without actively describing the emotions, you know? it's so, so wonderful and artistic the way you pull it off. take this line from Citrus Summer for instance: "Your fingers break the peel as your gaze returns to him, the view enhanced by the spritz of citrus visibly floating in the sunlight." it feels like a stolen moment in time or an oil painting coming to life SHEER BRILLIANCE 😭

(1/??) tumblr is acting out and my asks don't seem to get through to you 🤬🤬🤬 BUT ANYWAYS EXPECT A FLURRY OF NOTIFICATIONS because i plan to geek out in full, please and thank you. so this is from Silk: "A passing car shines headlights through the window of your apartment, briefly revealing the glimmer of his hooded eyes gazing down on you." - this little snippet flashes in my mind whenever i think about Silk (which is.... quite... often....)

(2/??) as i was saying!! i completely adore how that little detail is literal and yet somehow metaphorical at the same time and it's really beautiful. tangible but it turns intangible the longer you linger on it and just. PURE ART!! i hope this makes sense fhjdkfhjdkfj but i have a tendency to fixate on feelings and sensations more than, information or details irl too, so the way you write things is just very. pretty to me heheh

(3/??) the closing lines of Peach Tea: "... you’re rendered breathless as he matches the scene around him; the light filtering through the trees casts his deserving halo, his eyes glow ..." first off, the way you make words flow is just SEXY. second, i really really really like the imagery here. DHJSKDJDK don't have words to do you justice but your writing makes me feel things. wonderful, exquisite things 😭💞 thank you for sharing your talent with the world

MIA??????

Ahhh thank you so much for sharing the parts you enjoyed; not only is this so heartwarming and validating for me, but also helpful to know what readers enjoy in particular <3 I really really appreciate it. And from a sis as well-read and well-spoken as you, I am just so flattered. 

I also fixate on feelings and sensations more than information or action!?! I’m pretty sure you just read my mind??? Ahahah <3 Looks like we were meant to be friends, because we just understand each other’s viewpoint too well not to be. Tbh, my focus on detail and senses in my writing is something I contemplate often, if it’s too much or too heavy in a way that it might plunge the reader down, away from the tempo of the piece, but hearing that you enjoy it really helps!! I’ll just keep trying my best to facilitate flow while continuously loading the senses. Feelings and emotions, though? We will never diminish them, they will always be fully loaded, bursting. 

I’m sorry tumblr was a pain in the butt, though your asks made me beam ehehe <3 All this flattery TT^TT “an oil painting come to life” sjhakfgh. Also thank you for thinking of Silk.... often..... ahahah <3 Everyone comments on the headlights in Silk, always. People love a good mood lighting ;) Ok, but can you imagine being in the dark with him, following him ambiguously with your hands, when suddenly his eyes glow with a passing light, ohohoho instant h***y!!! Alert!!!! Alert!!!! 

I’m proud of the closing lines of Peach Tea, too!! They say a lot about how she perceives him through imagery without explicitly stating it, as you say. I’m really satisfied with them!! 

Take care Mia, I appreciate you so much <3 You sweet, kind soul. 

[dreamiesdotcom]

complicated (slow spin-off) | z.cl, h.rj

Summary: Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose. "Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Word Count: 2.9k

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut.

The thing Jaemin does where he's hopelessly in love? None of that — they're almost always falling for each other in such different times that they never align, and when they do overlap, one's feelings is already dying down.

The thing that Jisung does where he looks at Jaemin like he's terrified? Terrified because of how much he loves him in the way he shouldn't? Yeah, Renjun wants none of that as well.

Chenle, too — this boy, how Renjun doesn't want to feel whatever hell it is Chenle goes through every day.

Watching the boy you adore, who happens to be your best friend, fall in love with your other best friend who's in love with your other best friend just sounds like an experience he doesn't want to have. Pining is one thing. Pining this aimlessly is another.

Looking through a classmate's camera as he finds the shot the other asked him to look for? A whole new level of complicated feelings and friendships and he doesn't even want to know. They have a project and that's about his business — so he doesn't judge nor pry, but he chuckles, "Jeno-ssi, did you give me the wrong camera, or am I only supposed to see candids of Donghyuck?"

Jeno blushes red, stutters an apology. He fiddles with his gadget a bit, messing with cards. For the meanwhile, Renjun decides to go and buy coffee for the both of them. It's trouble, really, since he already can't feel his legs from sitting so long but then it might be for the better.

It's less of a drag from when the other sweetly mutters a thank you, and it's a pity that Renjun didn't really get to focus on that.

"Hey, you're welcome and sorry to interrupt you but... Jeno?" he squints at the street outside. He carefully, slowly, sits back down on his chair and gets a clearer view — he can't believe the sight in front of him. He calls the other again, "Am I seeing this wrong, or is that Lee Donghyuck?"

Jeno raises a brow and looks to the side, the park opposite the store they're sitting at — certainly, at 3 a.m in the morning, the boy at question is there. He's walking past streetlights, a cup of coffee in his hands, and now he just sat at the swings.

Now, Renjun isn't his friend; he's not interested in him one bit, but he's not blind either. At one glance he knows that Jeno likes Hyuck, and at one glance, he knows that the person at the park is definitely the said boy.

Again, that's not his business, but that's also not what he's looking at.

Lee Donghyuck seems to be giggling, the brightest smile on his face as he gently swings — only he's not alone. He's with a very familiar person, one of Renjun's best friends, the subject of Na Jaemin's love.

"Uh. Yeah," Jeno nods, turning his head back to his laptop one beat late. He hands Renjun the camera, this time with the appropriate card. Renjun doesn't miss the dull sparkle in his eyes as he forces out a laugh, "Let's get back to work?"

They're not particularly close friends, so Jeno's feelings are not his business; he doesn't think he should even know about it, but hey, it's either that he wasn't so discreet or that Renjun's just observant — it's not his fault that he hesitates a bit, especially when Jeno blinks away his tears like that.

He doesn't want to make it awkward, still, so he nods.

Questions flood his mind as they work silently, questions much like 'Why do people do this to themselves? Of all the people you'd fall for, why your best friend? Is it because you're always close? Is it the mutual understanding?' He doesn't understand at all — looking at Jeno, he's really, well, an elegant person. Not to mention, kind as well. To be realistic, most people fall in love with looks at first so no doubt people adore Jeno, and yet... yet he's here, waiting on a possibly unreturned affection.

But then to consider, Jisung is stunning. That didn't make Jaemin love him the same way. What the hell is this mess?

"It's already 4:30, so what do you say we head home now?" Jeno proposes, and he snaps out of his stupor. Renjun absentmindedly nods.

They walk side by side in peaceful quiet until they part to the direction of their own homes. Before he reaches his, he remembers the pictures from Jeno's camera: snapshots of Donghyuck's sweet smile occupies the camera's memory — one where he's dressed up as an angel, one where his eyelids glimmer of gold eyeshadow and glitters, many of where he's laughing and not looking at Jeno's direction. Some of where he's wistfully staring at his phone.

It kind of reminds him of Jaemin to Y/N, or Jisung to Jaemin, or Chenle to Jisung. Now, whenever he looks at lines that never meet, he'd think of Jeno and Donghyuck as well — because Jeno doesn't need to say it, but his eyes do the work for him. Renjun doesn't need words to figure out that Jeno's in love.

Renjun worries about him a little.

####

Whenever something intriguing happens, he's almost always accidentally there — back then, when he and Jeno saw Hyuck and Y/N, and now, standing a few meters away from Chenle and Jisung.

He doesn't understand — all he wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. Watching his friends do this thing they're so bad at is easily not something he signed up for.

He could look away. He could turn and walk the other way since obviously, Jisung and Chenle would feel awkward if they realized he's there, but then he heard it. Chenle's question. It makes his heart miss a beat.

"How many times are you gonna keep on breaking your heart?"

Renjun furrows his brow. Could Chenle even answer his own question? It's all too ironic. It's none of his business, but it's all too ironic.

He realizes at that incredibly strange moment that Jisung and Chenle appeared like a movie scene, or a drama, whatever works. Something in the way they stand in front of each other is oddly pleasing, an aesthetic so hard to get enough of. If not for the anguish in Jisung's eyes as he falls on Chenle's arms, Renjun would say that it's the perfect sight.

Before all of that, Jisung had smiled and answered the other's question: "How many times can your heart break for the person you love?"

Chenle only stretched his arms as a reply, an invitation for a consoling hug. "Never too much," he wanted to say.

Renjun could see.

How in the world they don't notice him there, Renjun doesn't know. By now, he figures he should be used to his friends being dense. He means, well, they had these feelings for each other for as long as he can remember and if Huang Renjun, Mr. It's-None-Of-My-Business-So-I-Didn't-Know, noticed whatever the hell this mess is, surely they should've known long ago, right?

Chenle stands there alone. Jisung must've left earlier during the time he spent spacing out. He stands behind the other, a reasonable distance away so he still doesn't figure out he's there. He waits for him to resume walking; for five minutes, he doesn't. Renjun makes himself known by rushing and cheerily slinging an arm on the other boy.

"Hey, Zhong Chenle, whatever it is you've been doing these days, how did it go?"

"Same old, I'm amazing," he airily says, startled but comforted at the knowledge that it's a friend and not someone trying to kill him. "Haechan hyung wrote a song. I'm certain it's for Y/N."

"Really? That's sweet," Renjun can just begin to imagine the blush at that friend's cheeks if Donghyuck decides to sing the song on the school showcase. It should be a fun night for them! Jisung is performing, Chenle too, Jaemin as well... his smile dies down a little at the other's name.

"But... Jaemin, though."

It's something he shouldn't know — pretty sure Jaemin thinks nobody knows about his feelings, but then again, how can he hide anything from anyone when he looks at that person with hearts for eyes?

"Yeah. I'm worried for Jaemin hyung and Jisung," the younger wistfully sighs, tugging the other to walk on his pace. He sighs again. "You know how he is."

"I do. In fact, I'm worried about all of you," Renjun hums. Chenle raises a brow, but Renjun makes note of the split-second panic in the younger's mask of faux confidence. Renjun smiles, "I'm worried about you, Chenle-ah."

He makes an odd sound aiming at nonchalance, and it scares him how natural he sounded as he fakes a laugh. He slings an arm on Renjun, making them walk the opposite direction of where they should be going, "You've been working hard and you're saying nonsense now. Let me just treat you ice cream — trust me, hyung, you need it."

The older of the two sighs and decides to let it go. Before that, though, Chenle smiled at him and shook his head, "What's there to worry about me?"

Internally, Renjun wanted to pull him into a hug. In his mind, he'd held his friend and answered, the heartbreak you feel in silence.

###

Back then, Jaemin told Renjun something very interesting — something about the way he glances at people.

As an example, Jaemin had said then that Renjun looks at Y/N like he does to his favorite book, full with wonder — Do you know how loved you are? How many people love you... how many hearts broke for you... how beautiful and conflicted you are — and well, he agrees. He does feel like that.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at both him and Jisung like twin stars, as if the world is never correct unless they're side by side. One is always beside the other, even when one is shrouded behind clouds.

Secretly, Renjun disagreed: he feels like he looks at them like a scene that was supposed to be but never was. An accidental masterpiece that never occurred because the artist was too careful.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at his almost acquaintance Jeno with a strange kind of familiarity, like they knew each other for several lifetimes but never dared to actually get to know each other; he stared at him as if they were identical. As if somewhere in the boy with hopeless love beating in his heart is a part he relates to.

But Chenle... Jaemin said he looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He didn't go into detail, he refused to, and it left him confused.

A year, seven months, and two weeks from that event, Renjun realizes just why, and he figures out that after all, most things in life are not a choice. Maybe that's why people continue to adore hopeless cases.

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. He never asked to realize that all those years, he refused to acknowledge something, a big part of him. He never asked to be one of those people who couldn't control their feelings.

"You were a dream that shined brightly above me..." Renjun reads, the words more saccharine and dreamy when it's spoken in his voice, "and just like the fate of a gazer and a star, you are so far from my reach. But still, you've had me at first sight, and all I wanted was for gravity to let me fall from Earth and then into your hold— this doesn't even make sense."

"Yeah, but only because you skipped to that chapter, dummy." Chenle grumbles, stealing back his book, "These are references. They're referencing to the past events you didn't get to read."

"Yeah, but still. It's unrequited love." Renjun answers, "It's way too complicated for me."

The wind blows, an addition to the cold lingering in the air. Jaemin isn't present tonight as he's dealing with the consequences of procrastinating essays for weeks, so naturally, his best friend Y/N should be there too. Renjun wishes no heartbreak to his pure, lovesick heart — something in him knows that it's where everything will lead to, but he hopes it'll go easy on him. Jaemin deserved the world, none of the painful side of it.

Jisung didn't come today, too. He's busy with his performance, perfecting every snap and every turn, every single move that completes his routine. Maybe it's a diversion for him. Renjun prays he doesn't overwork himself, and he hopes the younger doesn't go harsh on himself, he hopes he doesn't beat himself up for falling for someone who was too busy hoping to catch somebody else.

Jisung deserved the world, as well. All of his friends did. Renjun finds himself quickly growing fond of them all from their most lovable traits down to their unnoticeable flaws. He loves them all each a different way, all with the same intensity.

This one, though. This one might just be a little too special.

A deep frown leaves him as he decides to lay down the grass he's previously been sitting on, and Chenle bemusedly laughs, a small sound compared to his usual.

"You're smart. That's why everything is way too complicated for you."

And it's there again, the longing in his gaze, the one Renjun knows is for someone else. The omnipresent feeling of telltale heartache signs floats around him like lustrous fireballs, but the boy beside him seems iridescent, each a different color on every side. If Renjun closes his eyes long enough, he could just imagine himself having control and not fading at the sight of every view.

"You know, don't you?" Chenle asks, turning his head away from the other and staring up at the sky instead. He compares to an epic painting. "I'm in love with Jisung."

"And Jisung is in love with Jaemin, Jaemin who is in love with Y/N," he adds in affirmation, knowing it's what Chenle wants to hear but his mind is far away from being lucid to that thought.

In his mind, he adds, but me? Do you know that I'm in love with you? He shakes that thought away, "I know. I know you guys, and it's not hard to see."

Carefully, Renjun adds, "The words each of you refuse to say... they're in your eyes. All the time."

With him laying down like this, the other resembles the Little Prince from the book Renjun always loved. His blonde hair sways with the wind and the things it does to Renjun makes him heady of stars. Chenle shrugs, "I thought you'd be mad. It could've ruined our friendship."

Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose.

"Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Now, he gets a little bit of what Jaemin was trying to say but refused to explain: Renjun looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He looked at him like that, and a thousand more unsaid ways he didn't even know existed. He looks at him like all he wanted to do was tell him his feelings, but he was so afraid. He looked at him like he's afraid that he won't fall in love as hard as this anymore, like he's scared that one day he'd be unable to adore someone romantically because they're not this boy, his greatest love.

He looks at him like all he wanted was a sight so beautiful he overlooks the other, and arms so warm he doesn't seek this one-sided fire, like he craves for a drink that'll burn away the confessions stuck on his throat and trapped on his lips.

He looks at the boy he loves with lenses of blue, that in a way where he isn't really sure if he wanted to forget or remember. All that he knew was he wanted to be loved.

Chenle chuckles again, but this time he lets himself fall down and lay beside Renjun. He reaches his hands to the stars, dwelling on how much smaller he is than these speckles of lights, and swears on each and every one of them — "Friends forever?"

"Best friends," Renjun corrects. "You, me, Y/N, Jaemin, Jisung — best friends forever."

And he said it a hundred times, he wants to say it a million more. He wouldn't wish any other way for all of them but always; there is so much he wants to share, so many things he wants to experience with all of them.

They're best friends forever, they've said that a hundred times. He wants to say it a million more.

But somehow, sitting underneath the stars with only his favorite book and Zhong Chenle beside him, it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel right to be just best of friends.